Infertility: Practical Thoughts to Follow Jesus on a Difficult Journey
Infertility is a difficult journey, no doubt about it. There’s also an opportunity to use the season to draw you closer to God and closer to each other.
Infertility is a more common and more difficult journey than we ever might expect. It is likely that you know someone on this journey or are on the journey yourself.
My wife and I walked through a season, and though ultimately it ended, we’ve had the privilege to walk with couples through this since. Infertility is rarely talked about, so it’s amazing to us how many couples experience this.
Because it’s rarely talked about, there’s A LOT of bad advice. “Just stop worrying about it.” “The moment you stop trying, you’ll get pregnant.” “Just relax.” As if telling someone to relax ever actually had that result…
Here are a few practical thoughts as you follow Jesus or help someone you know follow Jesus through a tough journey:
- Remember the Gospel
What does the Gospel have to do with infertility? To answer that, we have to start with what the Gospel is in the first place. Simply put, God created the world perfect. We chose sin and broke our relationship with God. The consequence of sin is death. So God sent Jesus to take our place and die. When we follow Jesus, we get the life he deserves, and our sin debt falls on His shoulders. We have hope.
The Gospel teaches us that something is indeed missing from our lives… but it isn’t a baby. As my wife and I walked through infertility, we had to remember the Gospel teaches us that we are completed by Jesus, not pregnancy. While there certainly is a wrestling of purpose and mission in life, Jesus is who we truly need. We have hope even if things don’t turn out the way we want.
- Guard Against Self-Pity
We don’t like to admit it, but any struggle or suffering can very quickly turn us inward on ourselves. Pain has that effect. The truth is that self-pity is focused on self, which is a form of pride.
"God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. - James 5:6-8
Of all the sins in the Bible, there’s a special and unique struggle with pride. First, it’s incredibly common. Second, it causes God to oppose us.
Pride will tell us all sorts of terrible things. Pride will cause us to compare other people and find ourselves deserving of a baby more than them. Pride will tell us all of the great things about us and the worst things about others. Pride really messes with our ability to connect with others.
God calls us to humility. And “True humility isn’t thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less.” - C.S. Lewis
- Be Careful with Social Media
Social media is the highlight reel of a person’s life. So what ends up there? Pregnancy announcements. Gender reveals. Birth announcements. Children.
One of the best things for my wife and I was to literally log out of all the social media apps and put the phone down.
Awareness creates discontentment. You didn’t know you wanted to go to Italy until you saw the post of your friend traveling there. You didn’t know you needed those shoes until you saw them on Amazon. And while you might know you want a child, social media often distracts you from what you do have by highlighting what you don’t have.
It’s okay to log off for a bit. Disconnect. While there is angst in the season, there’s a ton of life to be enjoyed as well.
- Listen to your Spouse
If you’ve ever gone through a difficult season as a couple, you know that the two of you process in different ways and at different speeds. The mistake often made here is that because your spouse is not processing in the same way or speed, that they’re wrong.
You’re on a journey together. You’re also on a journey personally. Give space to each other. Then, ask each other questions. Listen to one another. Care for one another as Christ loves the church. Call the best out of one another, and remind each other that God actually does love you. Because He does!
Infertility is a difficult journey, no doubt about it. There’s also an opportunity to use the season to draw you closer to God and closer to each other.
If we as a church can ever pray with you or walk with you, feel free to reach out to us via our prayer wall, which can be found here: https://prayer.bethlehemchurch.us/. We’re grateful to be a church family together.
