Caring For Your Wife Postpartum
Men: How do you care for your wife in the postpartum season? Here are a few things worth knowing and doing!
If you’re a woman reading this blog and want to send it to your husband, you can do that. Tell him Bethlehem Church said it’s okay!
What do you think about the juxtaposition of these two ideas:
- “Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from Him” (Psalm 127:3).
- Cleaning up projectile breastmilk vomit at 2am. (Not sure that I can write that in a church blog, but here we are.)
The postpartum season doesn’t last a long time, but those days are often described as a “blur.” Every season of life brings challenges, but the postpartum months are unique and difficult.
Candidly, as I started writing this, I stared at a blank screen for some time. My wife and I have two kids (fourteen months apart), with another baby on the way in a few months. We’re very familiar with postpartum.
While this isn’t always true, it seems like wives often have a good idea of what to do, and husbands have no clue. Maybe it’s culture. Maybe it’s that women more often babysit when they’re younger. I know, at least for me, I didn’t quite know how to love my wife or care for my little family at first.
So, here are five practical thoughts I wish I knew from day one of parenting.
1. Do What You Can
This season is going to test your very understanding of the Gospel. Your wife is giving herself up for your child. As a man, God calls you to care for your wife like Christ cares for the church (Ephesians 5:25-33).
You might not be “equipped” to feed the baby, but you can get up to hand the baby over for those late-night feedings. You can change diapers. You can fix dinner. You can put the baby down for naps.
Don’t let what you can’t do get in the way of what you can do. This season will require 100% from both of you.
2. Give Time and Take Time
Each week, find 1-2 hours that you can give to your wife while you keep the baby (or kids). It doesn’t have to be a long time, but find some time. Give her time to go see a friend, take a nap, or stare at a wall without a crying baby in her arms.
In the same way, work with her to find 1-2 hours for yourself. You won’t be able to do a weekend-long fishing trip with the boys, but finding a small pocket of time for you makes a huge difference.
The months of postpartum can make you feel like you’ve lost yourself completely. Giving and taking a bit of time helps during this temporary but exhausting time period.
3. Check Your Baby Into Kids Ministry
Alright, listen up. We have hundreds (that literally means hundreds) of kids ministry volunteers every weekend who want to love on your baby, care for your baby, and pray over your baby.
Oh, and you’ll get an hour to worship God and listen to Him without distraction.
As a church, we want that for you.
We say, with smiles on our faces, please don’t be that person whose baby is crying in the worship center. We’ve got it! (And all our campuses have a nursing mom’s area if you need it.)
4. Tell Your Wife She’s Beautiful
Your wife’s body just went through a huge change. And research says it can take up to two years for her hormones to get back to a normal range. Whether natural birth or c-section, there are new things going on with her. She’s probably walking out of the hospital in a diaper herself.
Your wife will feel like a stranger in her own body. She will look in the mirror and not recognize herself. From what I can tell without going through it personally, it’s incredibly disorienting, if not downright frustrating.
Big emotions, unrealistic expectations, and unpredictable moods are a part of it. Shelby, my wife, once got on to me for not “learning her” because I didn’t put enough ice in her cup. I got her water with ice. But just two cubes short…
Because of all that, tell her she’s beautiful. She needs to hear it. She needs your love and support. She’s literally a daughter of God, and you get to be an earthly voice of God’s love for her.
5. Remember That Changes Happen Quick
One of the most helpful pieces of advice I heard on parenting was from a friend who said,
“If there’s something that’s really hard in parenting, just wait. It’ll change very soon. If there’s something you’re really enjoying about parenting, soak it up. It’ll change very soon.”
So if you’re struggling in this new season, just know that life will find a new normal. You will sleep again. You won’t always have a gremlin - uh, I mean baby - who needs to eat but won’t eat and needs to sleep but won’t close their eyes. Things will change over time. Solomon wrote in Ecclesiastes 3 that there’s a season for everything.
And eventually, that baby will hit their teenage years…
But that’s a blog for another time.
