Date Night When You Have Young Kids

Young kids are an incredible gift from God!... and they’re also incredibly hard on your marriage. How do you keep a consistent date night rhythm in this difficult season of life? Here’s an idea!

I have a pastor friend who does a lot of marriage counseling. I asked him recently what the most common stages of life couples were in that asked for counseling.

He replied, “Well, couples can need counseling at any stage. But the two most common I see are newly empty nesters and young couples with young kids.” While I can’t speak to the empty nester stage, I’m right in that young kids stage. 

We believe Scripture teaches that children are a gift from God! They are also incredibly hard on a young marriage. From the lack of sleep to relentless tantrums to the constant need for care, parenting is exhausting. Sometimes, that exhaustion leads to putting your marriage on the back burner. No one intends to do this. But it happens. 

Scripturally, marriage is a picture of the Gospel. Paul drew this metaphor in Ephesians 5:

“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. - Ephesians 5:31-33

Marriage is that important! And date nights fuel a marriage as devotional time fuels your relationship with Jesus. 

But how on earth do you do a date night when you’re exhausted, money is going to diapers, and you don’t exactly have a ton of spare time? 

As parents of a three-year-old, two-year-old, and another on the way (yes… we know where babies come from), here’s a repeatable date night my wife and I often do:

Set aside an hour one day per week. We’re not that consistent. But by setting the time aside on our calendar, we’re able to prioritize the time or reschedule if things go sideways. For us, this is at night after the kids are in bed.

Put on music instead of TV. The goal of the time is to connect with each other. We have a playlist of our favorite songs.

Light a candle or use Christmas lights. Yes, we pulled Christmas lights out in the middle of July. Cheesy? Maybe. Still fun!

Move locations. Don’t sit on the same spot on the couch you do the rest of your time at home relaxing. Switch it up for this one hour. 

Eat something sweet. It doesn’t have to be a lot but have a little dessert to celebrate your time together. Marriage is worth celebrating. 

Play games. For my wife and I, we like board games and card games. (She is crushing me in checkers… so if anyone has any tips, please email me.) The goal is simply to have fun together!

Have conversations. We grabbed a deck of conversation cards from Amazon as a way for someone else to pick our conversation. Here are a few great conversation starters for your next date night:

• What is God teaching you right now?
• What do you hope our kids remember about our marriage when they’re adults?
• What are fun things we used to do that we need to get back to doing?
• How can I love you better?
• Discuss the most recent message at Bethlehem Church.
• Who are friends we haven’t seen in a while that we need to reconnect with?
• Is there anyone around us that we might be able to bless?
• What’s one of your favorite memories of us?
• When is our next date night? 

Again, the goal is simple: prioritize your marriage in a busy season with little sleep. Send this blog to your spouse. Pick a time this week. And intentionally enjoy each other!